Writing

R Is For Rush

I’d been sitting by the phone with naught but a pitcher of Old Fashioneds, a tray of hoagies, and the third season of Downton Abbey for company, waiting on an important call from my close, personal friend Rush Limbaugh. He’d expressed… Read More ›

Q Is For Quit

“Come in,” I said to my vice president of acquisitions Bob Laudermilk as he entered my office. “Have a seat. Would you care for a drink? An Old Fashioned, perhaps? Maybe a martini if you prefer something lighter?” Laudermilk waved… Read More ›

P Is For Pussycat

I arrived home from work to find a large, pink party bus parked in my estate’s expansive driveway, “Pete’s Pussycat Emporium” emblazoned on the side. I pulled up next to it and observed a familiar figure seated at the steering… Read More ›

N Is For No

“Good morning, Mr. Carver,” said Carver Consolidated Capital’s (C3’s) office manager Ms. Cashtushy as I hustled through the front door. “Can I—” “No,” I said, brusquely waving her off. I then headed down the hallway, only to encounter my dimwitted… Read More ›

M Is For Mother

I was enjoying a mini-marathon of obscure German erotic cinema in the media room when my butler Montgomery entered with a pained expression on his face. “Pardon the intrusion, m’lord,” he said, “but there’s an extremely foul-tempered woman here to see… Read More ›

L Is For Lawyer

My desktop intercom beeped yesterday afternoon but as I was neck-deep in some very important work, I decided to ignore it. Whoever was trying to reach me wasn’t taking “no” for an answer though, because I received a longer beep… Read More ›

K Is For Klout

“Hoo hoo, can’t wait to see my score!” I said. I was speaking with my blog administrator Shelton in the study, which had only just been refurbished following my butler’s unfortunate rib incident. “I bet mine’s higher than Limbaugh’s.” “I… Read More ›

J Is For Jack

The sweet sounds of AC/DC blasted through my open driver’s side window while I sat at a red light, enjoying a fine cigar that cost more than your average third-world family might make in a decade. Head bobbing in time to… Read More ›

I Is For Injustice

Following a long night at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, I was en route to my palatial estate when a low-paid civil servant with a gun and a badge had the temerity to pull me over. “Good evening, sir,” she said… Read More ›

H Is For Hank

I received a collect call last night from my close, personal friend Hank Williams Jr. Considering that today’s “A to Z April Challenge” topic was required to start with an “H,” his timing could not have been more fortuitous. “Oz?”… Read More ›